Bad memories
by I-Get-Bored
Summary: Finding a device that can unleash suppressed memories isn't a good thing when you may have horrors in your past that your not even aware of. Chuck centric, but Casey and Sarah POV mostly. Child abuse warning. R & R
1. Chapter 1

_**This fan fic will have Charah but mainly a bit of bromance friendship (no slash) with Chuck and Casey, who I love nearly as much as Chuck There will be violence, perhaps torture and horrible things from the past coming to haunt them. I'm bad at summaries! *contains physical and emotional abuse*. Rated T because it's probably safe, and I always rate it T. **____** R&R my pretties **_____

"Agent Casey, Walker I'm going to be frank with you; ideally we'd be extremely pleased if you managed to apprehend the Fulcrum agents and re-acquire all the stolen equipment and Intel" General Beckman spoke in her usual icily precise voice pausing momentarily.

"We'll do our best General, but that's a big task, and might I say you look lovely this morning. Your simply glowing, new moisturiser perhaps and I was just spit balling there because if it's true can you tell what kind? I've been starting to think about growing old and I'd like to not have too many wrinkles, I don't think the Bartowski's wear wrinkles well. Not that I have family members to go by, when dad left I was 14 and he was only like 38. But not that I'm saying you're older than that. Uhmm … It's not like you have wrinkles or anything, I mean um … you look really young not a year over … um 26. Beautifully crafted like ... "

Chuck babbled continuously waving his arms haphazardly as if in an attempt to save himself from the whole he was continuing to dig. Sarah seemed to notice that Chuck was in full out nerd awkwardness mode and decided to chip in.

"What Chuck is trying to say is that the mission is very difficult, but not impossible" she said calmly momentarily pushing a strand of blonde hair past her sculpted cheekbone behind her ear.

After a particularly fearsome eye bulge from Casey Chuck decided it was best to just nod, mouthing the word thank you whilst flashing his trademark dazzling smile.

Beckman just rolled her eyes and continued "If you let me finish Agent Bartowski, I obviously would like all the Intel to be apprehended and agents' captured but know this is highly improbable so I would like you to focus on one thing. The Repress Recall Contrivance. This is one of the most sought after devices in the world and we want our hands on it before Fulcrum. If they knew we had this device we would be able to entice some of Fulcrums top agents to swap sides, it would be a major breakthrough. I'll email the details to the castle now; it will explain all you need about the RRC at present. Whatever happens don't let them have it. Good luck."

As usual the conversation ended so abruptly that Chuck has a million questions buzzing round his head. Before he could voice anything, an email popped up on the main computer with the words "RRC Schematics and Intel"

All of 'Team Bartowski' stood huddled round the email and after a moment Casey and Sarah leaned back "What the hell is all that nerd jargon, I have no idea what this RRC crap is" Casey stated evidently frustrated. "Walker?" He asked receiving nothing but a head shake and a furrowed forehead.

You could almost see Casey's internal struggle before he asked the next question.

"Bartowski, do you know what it means" he asked, literally through clenched teeth.

"Mhmm, I mean I think so, I didn't flash or anything but it's totally insane. Has to be like out of this world technology like in the spy movies, but then again my brain is full of government encoded secrets and I've just been briefed for a mission. I say those phrases over and over and they still don't taste right in my mouth. Charles Carmichael however well he...?"

Chuck's ramblings were cut off by Casey's agitated cough and gruff "Spit it out Bartowski I don't have all day".

"Sure buddy, well basically, and god I'm lucky that I took an evening psychology class. Here goes… There's a theory by prominent almost revolutionary scientist, Harry Clark that most human beings subconsciously suppress memories, usually bad ones. Although though to be a rarity Clark believes that nearly everyone does it, and the worse the memories the more you have suppressed. I mean not just people with completely horrific pasts usually those with hurtful and embarrassing than just general physical pain. It focuses on memories that are emotionally traumatising, which are often hand in hand with physical trauma anyway"

"This is getting somewhere right, because I didn't come here for a lesson, I made it a personal challenge to sell three beast masters in one day" Casey intercepted folding his arms impatiently.

Chuck just waved his hand to shush as if his train of thought was being interrupted, Casey responded with a growl at being dismissed that way.

"This RRC is a device that Clark created, I won't go into detail with all the technical stuff, but the RRC can unleash these suppressed memories. And really Casey, three beast masters... Sorry, anyway …..And not just to you, anyone in the ten metre vicinity gets to basically see your memories before their eyes. They get to know your deepest darkest secrets that you didn't even know you had. It could be so traumatising that is could emotionally wreck the person, and in extreme circumstances, kill them"

There was a momentary uncomfortable silence; the thought of unknown's holding the key to your innermost secrets was momentarily thought crushing. Chuck, unbelievably, was the first to speak;

"Let's get our spy on Team Bartalksey. You see what I did there people, I name combined"

"Don't be an idiot Bartowski" Casey growled, going to get the weapons.

-3 Hours Later, Fulcrum weapons facility-

Chuck was waiting the car, Casey and Sarah had infiltrated the building and Casey told chuck if he put one foot out of the car, he'd tranq him. But then to ease the threat he's told Chuck to stay safe which affirmed to him that despite everything Casey did care. He had the radio on quiet hands absentmindedly tapping along thinking about his life in general. When he looked at a large business like building he always wondered that if he had graduated from Stanford the normal way if he'd have a job like this. He wistfully went through scenarios in his head, the most lucrative as Casey being a janitor he befriended whilst saving his life from a falling pipe.

He smiled to himself before suddenly being broken out of his revere by the shrill sound of a fire alarm. He was immediately alert; this hadn't been part of the plan. Hoards of people began filing out of the building as Chuck stuck his head out the window staring up in case he could see some kind of clue whether they was in danger.

And of all the luck, on the 5th floor he could see Sarah's blonde hair and slender physique inwardly sighing with relief. This was not long lasting as a gun suddenly appeared at her head. Without a second thought of Casey's threats Chuck was out of the car in a flurry of gangly limbs racing towards the elevator in the reception. The next minute in the elevator seemed like calm before the storm, Chuck was completely unarmed, not that it would have made much difference if he was.

He tried to calm himself, but realising that not only was he concerned for Casey's safety as much as he was Sarah's didn't make the ride any easier. The elevator doors opened with a start and Chuck took a deep breath and opened his eyes wondering where his friends were.

It didn't exactly take long to find them as he turned the next corner he was colliding into someone and falling ungracefully to the floor. A flash later Chuck realised the man who was now looming over him as he lay sprawled on the floor was, let's just say, not very nice.

"Chuck are you ok?" instead of the expected soft concern if Sarah this voice was different, the concern of Casey, huh.

"Yeah I'm good, where's Sarah?" Chuck questioned still hazily sitting on the floor.

"I'm hunky dory thanks for asking, Walkers been tranq'd but she's ok. Maybe you should concentrate on the whole task at hand" Casey responded as evenly as possible as the butt of a gun chilled the back of his neck.

For some reason this is the first time Chuck noticed the six men with guns that surrounded them.

"Hey guys, you see this, this is a whole misunderstanding and you do not need to shoot us. Trust me" Chuck said raising himself to his feet before being roughly grabbed by a Fulcrum agent and a gun also pressing his neck.

"Where's the RRC, I know you and the woman hid it when you saw us coming. Tell me now." came the brusque emotionless voice.

Casey just smirked and with a signal to one of the other agents, the Fulcrum man holding Chuck (as a flash indicated his name Marcus Gopher) punched Chuck violently in the stomach causing him to yell involuntarily and sink to his knees. The man then looked at Casey who remained silent and seemingly emotionless whilst inside all he could think of was tearing the man apart for laying a finger of Chuck. But if he told Fulcrum he wouldn't just be winded, but dead and he couldn't disobey Beckman she had said the RRC was crucial.

"Fine, but you will tell us" replied the voice of Gopher. Two of his men grabbed either side of Chuck whose eyes were now frantic with panic. He wasn't an agent Casey mused, if they hurt him, it would be horrendous. Chuck's eyes seemed to be screaming but he looked Gopher in the eye, which, although he would never admit it – met Casey quite proud. If you'd flashed on a sadistic bastard like Gopher and not run then you gotta be made of steely stuff.

The first punches came hard and fast to Chuck's face, his eye, his cheekbone with such ferocity that the bruising would be extreme. The next punch came to Chuck's jaw which sliced on impact blood running profusely from a large gash. The next few hit his ribcage with sickening crunches another to Chuck's nose blood seeping down his face into his already mashed mouth. The punches came thick and fast working the body and face, Chuck tried to stay quiet – to show Casey he could be brave, but it was getting harder and harder to suppress the screams.

Until, after one brutal kick to his pelvis and being dropped carelessly to the floor in a bloody heap that Chuck had to speak.

"Please stop, please don't hurt me anymore"

He thought Casey would be angry, but he wasn't all he was dying to do was tell them where the RRC was, but he just kept repeating Beckman's orders in an attempt to block out the urge to cave. Chucks whimpering plead snapped him out of his revere, the kid was a mess. And it broke Casey's heart, he wanted to pretend like he didn't care but he couldn't. Chuck's left eye was swollen shut completely; bruises were forming all over his face, which was covered, literally covered in blood. His nose was broken, and by the way he was clutching his side protectively so his ribs as well.

Chuck couldn't stand up he tried but fell back wheezing tears accidently slipping from his eyes.

Then the men, in Casey's eyes, did the worst thing imaginable: they started to taunt Chuck.

"Aww what a pathetic agent, look at him he's actually crying. God he's useless." laughed one of the men kicking Chuck's already tender ribs causing him to yell in excruciating pain.

Casey couldn't see Chucks face but hoped he wouldn't take anything to heart; they were just trying to hurt him so Casey would talk.

"I bet you team just want to end you, a bullet to your head and you'd be gone. No more cry baby, though if your big friend here doesn't tell me where the RRC is I'll bash your brains in personally. You lump of worthless shit. Get the fuck up you idiot" jeered the man slamming his foot into Chuck's jaw. Casey inwardly cringed, remembering that he had could him an 'idiot' simply hours before.

Chuck began to cough up the large amount of blood swimming around his mouth. As he tried to raise himself up on shaky hands. He caught Casey's eyes for a second and it was as if his soul had been bared to him. His pain and confusion and naivety were burned into eyes and he knew he was going to tell them.

Before chuck could raise himself one of the men thought it would be amusing to stamp on Chuck's back causing him to crash face first into the floor rendering him semi conscious.

"Casey, m'sorry can you get them to stop. Casey?" he pleaded deliriously, obviously not completely aware.

The agents just laughed and one of them reared there foot back for a second attack.

"Stop. I'll tell you" Casey had wished it had come out more controlled; he cursed himself for sounding so desperate.

Before the agent could utter another word Sarah rushed in, almost on que, holding the RRC aloft- it looked so trivial now; just a metal cylindrical object with various buttons on it.

"I will give this to you if you let us…" she stopped at the sight of Chuck whose eyelids were fluttering furiously in an attempt to stay conscious blood trickling from the corner of his mouth "Oh my god you monsters".

Before she could utter another word Casey knocked the gun out of one of the Fulcrum agents hands and managed to take down 4 of the 6 men before he was hit over the head, and knocked to the floor- but still conscious.

"That was for Chuck you cunts" yelled Casey as he felt the familiar gun pinned to the back of his neck.

"Give me the RRC, and my friend here won't kill the NSA agent the quivering mess no matter how much we want to" chuckled Gopher hand raised expectantly.

Sarah handed it to him, seeing Chuck in that state sort of crushed her ability to want to fight for the RRC, to fight for anything in fact.

"Thank you Blondie and you know what, I might go ahead and kill you all anyway"

Chuck! Sarah was frantic in barely a second Sarah's leg whipped up, knocking the RRC out of his hands, accidently sending it crashing to the floor. Before it hit the ground Sarah knocked out Gopher and Casey managed to knock out the agent holding him because of the momentary distraction.

Chuck was now sitting up dizzily and pretty much conscious, he made a grab for the RRC, but to no avail. It hit the floor with a clang of metal on marble; there was a pause where nobody moved until it emitted a beeping.

"The suppressed memories, it's been activated" Sarah gasped rushing over to Chuck.

Before anyone could utter another word their vision went black, and they were left wondering whose memories they would see. That's when the true horror began.

**Duh, duh duhhhh :P . Please Review my fellow Chuck lovers **

**And tbh its not going to get anymore fun for Chuck, or the rest of these goddamn sexy agents ;) . Let's just say they all have horrible memories suppressed. God I'm so mean, hehehe **


	2. Chapter 2

**Well basically its Chucks suppressed memories and once a person has seen their suppressed memories they remember everything that they suppressed ( and whats associated with it) . I wrote it from the view point of Casey. Just go with it, it'll make sense when you read it. **_**thanks for reviewing! **__3 _

_A little boy of about five was sitting alone on a countertop eyes downcast and teary with an unmistakable mop of brown of curly brown hair, this was Chuck. He looked so young Casey mused and then as he continued to assess the unmoving Chuck, he was startled at how incredibly unhappy he looked. His hazel eyes were brimming with tears and he shuddered with silent sobs. Casey didn't know a lot about children but there was one thing he did; children mostly cry to get attention, but when there truly sad, they cry quietly. _

_Chuck was crying silently. Tears streaking down his face onto his little star wars t-shirt, the kid could still look nerdy at that age Casey said smiling sadly. The sound of footsteps caused both Casey and Chuck to jump. Chuck clumsily wiped his eyes with his small hands and attempted to stop his shuddering sobs, relatively unsuccessfully, whilst his face was alight with unmistakable terror. Casey seethed at the thought of anyone making Chuck that scared, then it dawned on him- these were suppressed memories, they weren't going to be pretty._

_A woman strode into the kitchen with an obvious air of arrogant authority; she was slim but very athletic with flawlessly straight brown hair spilling down her back. Casey assessed that she was late twenties and would have been attractive if it were not for the air of malevolence that surrounded her. She sort of looked like Chuck's sister Ellie, but her angles were harsher and she just seemed altogether a lot less warm than kind-hearted Ellie Bartowski. _

_The oppressive silence lingered only for about 30 seconds before the mysterious woman broke it._

"_Your sister and father will only be gone for 8 weeks on Ellie's gifted and talented science course, you should be proud of her not crying like some pathetic girl" she said unsympathetically tossing her hair callously._

"_I am proud" Chuck said softly, peeking upward at the woman nervously through his hair. _

_The woman strode forward with unwavering speed and force and punched Chuck' eye so viscously within seconds it began to bruise and shut. Then , without warning she backhanded Chuck so forcefully that his head snapped to the side causing him to literally fly off the counter. Casey yelled involuntary in utter shock and horror as baby Chuck landed on the floor onto his arm with a sickening crunch. _

_Chuck hollered in pain and began to cry, a wrenchingly pain stricken and confused cry that almost caused Casey's heart to stop in his chest. What kind of heartless bitch could do this to Chuck, sweet if not a little soppy but kind Chuck bloody Bartowski. Why?_

"_What did I say about talking to me if I don't directly address you? And for fucks sake stop that racket and get out of my fucking sight. I see that'll you have to learn to become a real man now that Ellie and daddy dearest are gone" she smiled sadistically obviously not caring about the pain of her small son who was now shielding his broken arm. His breath came out in ragged short spurts as he attempted to stop crying._

"_What do you have to say for yourself? Speak you idiotic useless waste of space" she screamed manically like a switch had flipped inside lashing out with her pointed heel catching Chuck in the ribs. He screamed involuntarily his tiny face contorted in pain. If Casey had been there he would have walked up to this monstrosity of a woman and broken her leg in the most excruciating way possible._

"_I-I-I'm …saw'ry ..m-mum" he choked out between cries his little lip quivering._

_Mum? No way! A kid like Chuck, so kind and lovely and caring had to have loving parents. I mean Casey thought this was just a random psycho. How could a mother, Chuck's mother, any mother for that matter treat a child like that? And they way she talked to him, it kind of reminded Casey how he talked to Chuck when he was angry, and he inwardly cringed. _

_And in response to the begging gasp of her son, she just laughed grabbing the cup off the side and pouring the contents of it onto Chucks head, sending hot brown liquid cascading town his tear streaked face. He tried to lunge away but all he succeeded was to injure his arm more. The liquid was not boiling but enough to scald Chuck badly, but enough to make his cry put and squirm._

_Casey was furious; this was inhuman, beyond inhuman, she was treating it like some sort of training game. She had to stop hurting Chuck. How could she look at that little scared boy and still hurt him._

"_Stop crying you worthless piece of shit" she warned menacingly, but Chuck couldn't he just sobbed, utterly terrified. _

_I mean being hurt that badly, at that age- his mind must have been a mess. Casey wanted to rage and storm at this women, tear her apart. _

_She leant down until her face was centimetres from Chucks; Casey held his breath silently praying she wouldn't hurt him again. She grabbed his chin roughing pulling his fragile body upward as his legs scrabbled in an attempt to not give way beneath him. He gasped in pain; the kick had obviously damaged his ribs. If Casey ever found Chucks mum, he's kill her. _

"_Stop crying" she screamed in his face viciously letting him fall to the ground roughly._

_Chuck jumped so utterly terrified his sobs just got louder and his whole body be to convulse spasmodically in fear. The woman strode out of the room purposefully leaving Chuck alone. How scared and alone he looked._

_His hair was wet with the scalding liquid casing it to stick to his forward; his face was marred by a large ugly bruise on his cheekbone and his eye was black and jammed shut. Tear streaks and coffee stained his pitiful face which looked bewildered in a catatonic state of fear and crying. His broken arm was clutched round, his damaged rib in a desperately defensive way. He slowly shuffled under the counter in a pitifully futile means of hiding. It literally shattered Casey in such a demoralising way. _

_He prided himself on his ability to block out emotion but now he was a complete mess. Chuck Bartowski was such a good person, that's what made him a bit of an incompetent spy, his ability to love. But how had he ever learnt it with a mother like that, poor Chuck. He wanted to go over, to his surprise, and hug the shivering cowering boy. Hell he'd never be able to get the visual of beaten and broken Chuck out of his mind, let alone 5 year old abused Chuck._

_His mother strode back in… that heatless fucking monster … and grabbed Chuck out by his shirt ignoring his cries and slammed him back onto the counter. In her other hand was a needle fill of a liquid Casey knew to be tranquiliser. But why in a needle? That was way more painful than a _

_tranq dart, that stupid cow was going to hurt Chuck._

_Without warning she shoved the needle into Chuck's arms eliciting a scream from the wounded boy. "I told you to shut up" she said calmly pressing the liquid into Chucks arms. He began to have a panic attack whilst failing to shrink away from the needle. The last thing Casey heard was Chucks agonising cries before Chuck slid into unconsciousness and Casey back into consciousness._

Casey felt like all his breath was rushing back into his and gasped deeply surprised to feel his face wet with subconscious tears. Damn it, what a disgusting excuse for a mother. No wonder the kid was afraid on needles, and what a fucking monster, how did Chuck cope. He looked to his right where Sarah stood more stooped than anything crying loudly her hand at her heart. She had obviously seen it too.

Then he turned to Chuck almost reluctantly taking his expression in behind his already battered visage. He looked so confused and naïve but utmost it was pain, physically and mentally. It was as heart-wrenching as he shook silently as all his memories began flooding back. He looked as fearful and bewildered as when he was five years old, no wonder he craved kindness. Poor bloody nice guy Chuck. Why wasn't it just assholses that get hurt dammit!

"Chuck mate" Casey said quietly voice seeping with concern "We gotta talk"

**Yeah we gotta! I actually nearly cried writing about that, I know its extreme but there's more to it. So bear with me ! **

**Bite me LOL jk … just review please **** xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks you so damn much for reviewing! ….. **

**I think this is a pretty fast update for me! ****, especially since I have an exam soon!**

**& I know people prefer Charah but I'm a sucker for some Casey-Chuck friendship! An epic bromance, lol (no slash!), Reading your reviews I see Sarah POV is a popular option so I'll give it ago. I felt so cruel writing all that violence for little chuck. This chapter isn't going to be action packed to be fair, we gotta get our feelings out! **

Sarah could feel the tears slipping down her cheeks and knew it would be futile to even contemplate trying to stem them. She could only think one thing; the man she loved was hurting. His face, amidst the remnants of a beating was devastated. Sarah only remembered Chuck talk about his mother once…

Flashback (in Sarah's mind, not the RRC)

"_Sarah, at least you know your dad cares about you" Chuck paused for a moment hesitantly "I care about you too." he said whilst smiling nervously brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear letting his hand gently linger running down the back of her neck gently. Then he leaned back respectfully to seek response from such an open display of affection. _

_Sarah didn't know what to say, she wanted to gush out her emotions tell him she cared about him more than anyone in this world. That when she looks at him she sees the complete embodiment of the goodness in humanity. And what, tell him that from the first time he hesitated to kill despite imminent danger that she had realised that she loved him and that it frightened her. In fact it terrified her, it made her feel vulnerable. And believe me Sarah Walker does not like to feel vulnerable. But this was Chuck, her Chuck._

_But he was the intersect, the asset. How her thoughts crashed and muddled, if only Chuck could have seen her inner turmoil! _

"_Sarah" he whispered, barely audible. His voice was quiet, apprehensive, caring, loving, this was the voice Chuck. _

_Without hesitation she leaned forward and gently placed her lips on Chuck's. The kiss was short, but powerful she tried to push all her emotion into the kiss to make him understand why she couldn't tell him how she felt. She needed him to understand. He just had to._

_Sarah reluctantly leant back first, still able to taste Chuck on her lips, his face was so adorable that it took all of Sarah's best effort to not kiss him again. His expression was awed, so surprised and pleased. Sarah momentarily mused on the fact that he seemed oblivious to his good looks, the affect he had on her. Sarah honestly didn't understand why some people didn't deem Chuck as 'handsome'. Because he was. And the kindest man she had ever met._

_Sarah head footsteps outside her room and it broke her out of her blissful revere, she was getting into deep. She had to divert this. If it was her way she would take Chuck and kiss him and …_

_But she couldn't. She had to say something, anything. What had they been talking about? Uhhh Sarah's dad, yes, they had been talking about parents. _

"_Chuck what happened to your mother?" she garbled, hoping this would break the ever mounting intensity._

_It did, and despite Sarah understanding the necessity of de-climaxing this situation, felt disappointed. _

_His eyebrows knitted together in a frown and his face looked perplexed at the question, but in hindsight there was more confusion evident there. _

"_She left, when I was ten, Ellie was 14. Ellie was devastated" he said in a hushed voice. _

"_And you?" Sarah asked feeling guilty that she had breached such a traumatic topic._

"_And me what?" Chuck asked._

"_Were you devastated?" Sarah asked her curiosity overriding her unobtrusiveness._

_Chuck paused for a moment, he looked like a deer in the headlights. Fearful, lost and perhaps pained._

"_Honestly I don't really remember her. I look back at the pictures and recognise her as my mum. But more than that I don't know it's just… just kind of, hazy." Chuck said quietly in a voice tinged with almost guilt._

"_Hazy?" Sarah whispered, unsure as to why they were whispering but felt it imperative. She just wasn't sure why._

"_Is hard to explain, it's silly really. Like a fuzzy unfocused image, a sort of barrier. I feel like, if I pried further I could remember" Chuck said his eyes glazed as if in deep thought._

"_Then why don't you" Sarah said placing her hand on top of Chucks._

"_I'm not sure, I just have the strangest feeling that I don't want to" Chuck spoke in his quietest tone yet, he sounded devastated yet unsure why._

_She felt so bad for bringing it up; Sarah wasn't sure why but there was something deeply wrong. His saddened, stooped stance and vague confused expression was heart breaking. She wanted to wrap her arms around his lanky body, embrace him her face pressed against his tense chest and never ever let him go. But this wasn't that world, this was spy world. And perhaps the girl wasn't going to get the guy. Sarah sighed and said. _

"_You best be going, your buy more shift starts in ten minutes"_

_He turned to leave silently dejected at his unjust dismissal, and a single tear rolled down Sarah's cheek as the door shut behind Chuck. After a moment she paused and spoke quietly._

"_I love you Chuck Bartowski"_

_End of Flashback_

Now it all made sense, everything. The way that woman hurt Chuck; his agonised cries were almost on replay inside Sarah's mind. The image of the terrified, cowering child was branded into her mind. She felt like it would burn there forever. But somewhere in her minds incoherency she managed to decipher one fluid though.

'Help Chuck, he needs you now'

She choked down her last sob and opened her eyes for the first time. The image before her tore the ever ripping shards of her heart anew. The room was silent, subconsciously she had heard Casey say one thing earlier, but no one had spoke since.

Casey was standing behind Chuck obviously experiencing his own inner turmoil; he looked like he wanted to comfort Chuck, but was struggling. It wasn't his area of expertise really Sarah thought, almost smiling. But the brief glimpse of humour was clouded out by Chuck. There hasn't been, is, or ever will be words to describe the way Chuck looked. She couldn't contemplate how hard it would be to remember all that, all of a sudden. Oh the way he looked, it was… it was …

It was beyond sad, beyond devastated, beyond scared, and beyond confused. I was just beyond.

His legs looked like they were going to give way, and Sarah knew what to do. She rushed forward and almost talked Chuck in the fiercest of embraces. She was holding him as if her arms could literally hold him together. Save him from the abyss he must have been teetering on.

He went limp in her arms and they both fell to the floor crying never letting go of each other. Until, almost ten minutes later by some oddity, the crying subsided. And they all knew it was time to talk.

Most surprisingly it was Chuck who made the first step.

"I remember everything, everything she did. Every time she hurt me" his quiet voice screamed with unwanted pain not shrouded by the horse quality from the crying.

"Tell us, I think it will help kid. No one should have to keep this thing bottled up. Trust me." Casey said sarcasm devoid from his voice, to Sarah's relief it only emanated uttermost concern.

There was silence, then Chuck opened his mouth to speak. All Sarah could think was that the next hour or so was probably going to be the hardest of her life.

**Please Review it's my fuel! And if you hate it, well its because I find it hard to write Sarah, she's so damn confusing, was it too soppy? **

**And ****if**** my writing is terrible ****L**** … blame my hangover. **

**And there WILL be more action soon, and I kind fifnished this one half way through where I thought the chapter would end. I got carried away with emotion. ! I'm sorry :P**

**Review please my lovelies **

**One question though do I write ok for my age, like literary wise? I'm just 15 if that helps. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I am SO SORRY about the wait between updates, I hate myself for it. But there's been a lot going on in my life right now. **

**Ahh thank you so much for reviewing! I had to revert back to Casey POV for this chapter, it just worked for me **** …Chuck spills all :'(**

_There was silence, and then Chuck opened his mouth to speak. All Sarah could think was that the next hour or so was probably going to be the hardest of her life._

"What… what you saw…" Chuck's voice faltered for a second as he nervously brushed back his ruffled brown hair "that was the first time she properly hurt me". He inhaled sharply and paced his hands over his eyes and rubbed them furiously as if to prevent tears.

Casey could see that this was taking a real toll on Chuck, the poor kid looked devastated, and as much as he didn't want to hear what horrors had befallen Chuck- he knew it would help him. He simply replied by squeezing Chucks shoulder reassuringly, although to most that seemed insignificant it took Casey a lot more.

"Before that… that…um…incident, it was just pushes and slaps when dad and Ellie weren't looking, then when they went away… well, they were a lot more frequent… and well, she got a little tougher" Chuck said his eyes closed; but his wavering voice betraying the emotional war that must have been raging within.

Chuck's hand was nervously shaking and his whole stance was stooped and dejected. He looked so devastating; like his heart had been ripped out of his chest.

"A little tougher? That monster damn near killed you" Sarah spat vehemently in stark contrast with the tear tracks adorning her porcelain face. Chuck visibly flinched at her harsh tone his battered visage making it even more pitiful. He could see Walkers shameful expression as she lunged forward and grasped Chucks hand protectively, she wanted to protect Chuck from the world, shame she couldn't protect him from his past. Usually he wouldn't condone such visible displays of affection, it could harm there working relationships, but what the hell: the kid needed her… damn, who'd a thought John Casey could go soft, he inwardly mused.

But nevertheless Casey understood her anger, in fact he shared it. He wanted to every single one of Chucks painful memories and reabsorb them, hell he'd have take the beatings for Chuck. His innocence and naivety stolen, for what? That was a good point exactly… Why did she do it?

"Chuck" Casey began making special effort to keep the gruffness out his voice "Why did she hurt you?" he asked warily, afraid to hit a nerve.

Sarah gave Casey a look that evidently said 'If you've upset him, I'll kill you', he just shook his head slightly. He had to know, call it morbid curiosity or whatever; he had to attempt to understand how any person could hurt Chuck Bartowski.

"She thought I wasn't man enough. She thought I was a pathetic, useless waste of space. She didn't value the ability to fix computers anyway" Chuck said softly chuckling humourlessly "She said I would amount to nothing. Mainly she said wished I had never been born. She was right. Look at me, I'm a whimpering mess who works at the buy more!" his quiet sad tone got suddenly louder as he screamed the last part in anguish.

Self loathing was evident in his voice, how could anyone want to make Chuck despise himself. He was the kindest, most loyal, cleverest, sweetest guy Casey had ever met, and damn if he'd ever say that out loud. But he had to say something, anything.

"No, Chuck. You're a good person, dammit. Probably one of the best I've ever met" Casey said almost angry at having to say it.

Chuck looked at him wide eyes in disbelief.

"Really?" he replied softly with such genuine confusion.

"Of course" Casey replied immediately aghast at any suggestion otherwise.

The way Chuck looked at him, with such child-like yet perceptive eyes, he couldn't believe it, but he wanted the happy-go-lucky-nerd back.

"But you think I'm an idiot" he questioned innocently. Casey's head snapped up at this unexpected insight into Chuck's mind. I mean, surely he knew Casey was just kidding, tough love an and all that.

"Oh Chuck" Sarah said sobbing, and hiccupping burying her head into the kids sodden buy more shirt, he winced as she touched his tender ribs.

"Oh god, we've got to get you out of here, you're hurt, really hurt" she said, becoming more in control her voice gaining its usual authoritive edge, which was softened somewhat by the remnant of tears in her eyes.

Casey knew he had to snap out of all this emotional crap, well, at least until they go Chuck out the building. With a quick signal to walker they both managed to hoist Chuck upward, with difficulty. It wasn't that they were unable to carry him, hell they could of balanced him on a pinky. They just didn't want him to be in more pain that's all, the kid had taken a hell of a beating.

They made their way back to the elevator when Casey noticed Gophers unconscious body was no longer where he had left it. Panic swept through Casey.

"Sarah, Gopher" that's all he needed to say, despite his previous reservations about Sarah, being CIA and all that, she was good. And they were pretty much in sync nowadays.

They both reached for the gun holsters.

"Son of a fucking bitch, where the fuck are the guns"

Chucks head snapped up, he looked delirious and his eyes looked fearful, but less so than the situation warranted. They were glassy and unfocused, and for want of another word 'dead'.

'Dammit, Jesus Christ, son of a bitch, cunt, dickhead'

Were a few of the profanities Casey muttered whilst he and Sarah hauled Chuck toward the elevator at an increasing speed. There was much more urgency, he could feel it, they all could.

They were within an arm's reach, Casey almost felt himself sigh with relief. Well, until he heard the brusque emotionless voice of Gopher.

"Stop, where you are and pass me the RRC, now, Or I will undoubtedly blow your fucking heads off"

All of Casey's emotions were at war; don't give it up – probably die- and if they did succeed they would get rewarded or do give it up – might still die- break everything he had ever been taught – but Chuck might survive. As much as his brain told him to make the first decision, his heart implored for the second. He was going to give it to them.

Before he could reach down he saw the swift hand of walker grab it from his pocket and put it on the floor at Gopher's feet.

"You know, I was going to do that" Casey murmured, agitated at Walkers lack of trust.

She just looked at him apologetically, her eyes simply stating the obvious. This was Chuck, you have to be sure.

Gopher picked up the device and inspected it. No one dared to move seeing as Gopher was the only one with a gun in this situation.

"Lets see what all this shittin' fuss is about" he muttered pressing the activation button.

Before they could resist, they were swept into another memory.

**I know its terrible, and nothing really happens. But next chapter it really will and I WILL write it soon **

**Reviews are lovely **


	5. Chapter 5

Really sorry about the long wait, my computer has been going crazy the last month -.-

Another Chuck memory, well more a series of memories! As you might have guessed their not happy one's … Casey POV – don't hate me ;) And bold italic, is a flashback, inside a flashback, lol!

_Casey wanted to close his eyes, to block out the next memory, but he found he couldn't. It was emblazoned onto his mind, vivid and real, as if it were just happening. One thing he unashamedly hoped however; that it was not Chuck's. The kid had gone through way to much in the last bloody hour for Christ sake; he didn't deserve his deepest darkest horrors to be shared with his friends. Yes, Casey thought as the word 'friends' almost stuck in his throat, Chuck Bartowski is my friend. _

_Someone nervously shuffled into the living room and sat on the nearest chair, someone that caused Casey to ring off enough profanities to make anyone cringe. It was Chuck, Casey fumed. He looked just as dejected as before, only older, about seven or eight now. His haphazard hair was damp; flopped over his hazel eyes that looked as if they were desperately holding in tears. Then he noted the slight encrusted blood around Chuck's nose and his anger, if possible, heightened. _

_Then the woman entered: top of Casey's hit list and, all-round fucking monster. Oh, and Chucks mother, not that she deserves that title. He brown hair was shorter, which only emphasised the sharp rigidness of her jaw bones that surrounded a thin lipped mouth devoid of any kindness. Without hesitation she walked up to Chuck, grabbed him by the upper arms and threw him across the room. He landed hard on his backside then toppled over smacking his head into the floor. It happened so quickly that Casey just gaped and worst of all, Chuck didn't make a sound; not one. _

_He just looked up at his mother with those hazel eyes and one simple word was branded into them; FEAR. He was terrified of this woman. Casey wanted to scream, lash out, he couldn't stand it. _

"_Only real people can sit on chairs …What happened to your face" the woman said in an icily precise voice. _

_Only real people, what shit was that talking, how fucking dare she dehumanize Chuck in that way._

_Chuck looked at her if he didn't dare to talk, it was so heart breaking. He opened his mouth and closed it again, almost like a fish out of water. It would have been comical if not for the dire situation, yet if she didn't do that to his face … who did?_

"_Speak" she yelled, spittle flying out of the corners of her mouth, her controlled voice long forgotten. _

_Chuck visibly flinched and spoke in a quiet voice "The-there w-w-were- th-these boys at sch-sch-school, an th-they don't l-like m-m-me" he finished off shakily. _

…_**Casey then found himself catapulted into another flashback; a flashback in a flashback. What the hell? It was Chuck, in the same clothes, so it was obviously earlier that day. He was running, fast, his gangly legs giving him some speed, but not enough. He was being chased by three boys at least ten years old, two or three years his senior. He didn't stand a chance. Didn't Chuck ever get a fucking break! Casey noted the next events with simmering anger; Chuck being pushed around, taunted, punched in the face, then dragged into a bathroom. It was then the true horror began, one of the boys grabbed the back of Chuck's neck, dragged him to a cubicle and thrust his head under the water and held it there. **_

_**He could see Chuck struggling, his flailing limbs being held down by the two other boys. Casey wanted to kill them, to drown them all. But he'd just have to sit this one out, there's nothing he could do. They weren't letting him up, Chucks struggles were getting visibly weaker, they were actually drowning him. The sick fucks were drowning him! Until finally he was released cough, spluttering and choking on the floor…**_

_Casey was thrust back to the original scene; Chuck's mother was now looming over him, anger screaming from her eyes. Then she began to kick him and slap him, throwing him round the room like a rag doll, he tried to stay quiet at first, but it was hard. She was big, and he was so very little. It carried on for a time, the senseless beating; until Chuck started to scream so loud it might alert the neighbours. So she stopped, and to his horror, Casey found tears wetting his cheeks. For the first time in 16 years he was crying. This was not good. _

"_You're so fucking weak, you know that? Your pathetic, I wish you had died in my womb. I wish you were fucking dead, you hear me! Can't even stand up for yourself 'ey? I wish you were fucking DEAD" the woman screeched her eyes alight with mad fury. Chuck simply shuffled backwards, his beaten body shaking. This was horrendous, truly horrendous. Can't she see whets she's doing, he's just a little boy. Now he's getting shit for being hurt, what the actual fuck! _

_She reached down into her bag, ignoring her trembling son who ha, blood matting his hair and face amidst forming bruised. He was clutching his torso fearfully, obviously harbouring so damage there too. Then she pulled out rope, what the fuck was she going to do with that!_

"_You move an inch, and I'll inject tranquiliser into your heart" she said softly edging towards her terrified son. She motioned for him to put his hands out and he followed her obediently, his sniffling tearing Casey's heart in two. She was going to tie him up, tie her seven year old son up!_

_FUUUCKKK ! Casey mentally screamed, unable to formulate a coherency amidst the sheer level of anger. She wound it round is wrists tightly, _

_Chuck was trying desperately not to squirm in pain as she wound it tighter and tighter until his wrists were bound awfully painfully. Then his ankles were bound with the same methodical tightness. She then stood up suddenly, causing Chuck to flinch back and topple to the floor. _

"_Walk to the couch whilst I get something" _

_How was he supposed to get up, what the fuck! He made his way to his feet, slowly and awkwardly and attempted to almost jump shuffle to the couch. It was so degrading and humiliating. If Casey ever got his hands on that woman he would tear her to shreds. _

_Just before he almost made it his mum re-entered the room and he stood stock still in horror. She had tape in her hands. She ripped a bit off with her teeth and wound it round Chucks already bound ankles and wrists. Then his mouth, it was horrible watching Chuck cringe away. How the hell was he going to get out of that without more pain. Then to add insult to injury she clamped her fingers over his nose, watching him writhe without air for a minute or so until she let him fall to the floor racked with sobs. _

_To Casey this woman literally embodied evil, and he hated her an unimaginable amount. She then hauled the trussed Chuck, with utter disregard to his discomfort, into the kitchen. It was there she crammed the tiny boy into a minuscule cupboard under the sink, and locked it. He could hear Chucks sobbing, even through the tape. The kid must be beyond terror right now, and had this affected his mother. Of course no. She grabbed an orange juice carton from the fridge, and left the house. Leaving Chuck alone, beaten and scared. _

**I know it horrible, but I nearly cry writing it. As you can tell I love the commas :P Hope you like it! Please REVIEW **

**Oh and other characters memories will be explored in later chapters and someone from a certain lovable geeks past may be making an unwanted appearance. **


End file.
